Various studies have shown that Gen Z and millennials are having less sex than previous generations, and usually that data is presented in a negative way — as if to say, that these young people should be having more sex. Kay Lee, 36, from Los Angeles, believes this isn’t the right attitude. “Abstinence has been the best decision I have made in my adulthood,” she says. Having been abstinent for five years, she feels content continuing this way but is open to this one day changing course if she meets the right partner. Lee married her childhood sweetheart young, and “did things the ‘right’ way,” as she puts it, which meant being a “trad wife” and giving her all to her marriage. Following their divorce, she began dating again and found “the scene to be really awful.” At that point, aged 31, she decided to be celibate. “I realized I wasn’t interested in casual sex,” Lee says. “I have way too much to lose now at this point in my life and I care about my health and wellbeing too much to risk it. It’s funny because now the word abstinence doesn’t accurately describe my sentiment anymore. To abstain implies restraint and I’m not restraining myself. I have no urge to share myself with anyone in that way at all.”
